I Need to Transfer Some of These Posts

will do when I figure it out.

What Have I Done?

To all,
this is a cry for help and support. I may have quit my job at Lowes yesterday. I was asked to clean off my desk before I went to lunch by my department manager and I said NO, this is a working desk and I proceeded to leave for lunch .He then said, then it’s going in the trash. I then ripped off my red Lowes vest and threw it over my head and left and I did not go back that day. I had less that one hour left anyway. I also had not eaten since morning, but I was really angry! I was too angry.

I fell ashamed for what I did but I also feel trapped at Lowes. With sales lower than expected, I feel they make us the problem; it is our fault sales are low. I have become a phone solicitor. I have to call customers every day until I get a response and then, every four days until they complain about the calls or buy the project. I am really sick of the phone calls because I hate to be called by sales people for any reason. I feel as though I am violating their privacy. I do want to quit in the worst way.

I do like my customers and helping them with their projects; I know some of them by name. Maybe I secretly want to be fired. I feel so many outside forces controlling me. I have learned to hate retail and their lust to get that next sale to the point that we have to harass people to convince them to buy now and to push credit cards because it has been proven that they will but more if they have a credit card.

Yes, I am a consumer and want some of those frivolous nice things. But I am almost sickened by our drive for more and more. Why do I have to be so idealistic and not practical?
I have already had 30 yrs of corporate garbage from GM, of which I am so grateful for my union fought pension. I once said in the lunchroom at Lowes that we need a union here, and I was surprised at the older employees favorable response.

So, I am scheduled to go in at 7:30 am today and just want to stay at home and never go back. I am dressed and ready to go but I am still fighting it. I ask you, if you fell so inclined, to pray for me in this dilemma. Thanks for you listening ear.
Keith

I sent the above in an email to some trusted friends. I am messed up, everyone is against me. My wife gets madder and madder as the day goes on. And I am sitting here writing on a blog like a bump on a log. I am afraid to call anyone at Lowes because I think they thought I quit, or maybe they are considering my out burst as a quit. So, my friend Max suggested I get some where and write and pray about this. I ca write but I am having difficulty actually openly praying about this. So I am making a mockery of myself by running away? Can I crawl back and admit that I hate the job? Can I ever get past this? What am I to do? I am such an emotional wreck now, actually tight lipped and not talking. I just want to disapear in the mountains for about 3 months and figure this out. I did call my seasoned friend Jack S for a time to talk and he said to come by at 3pm and that he had time for me, that I was always a blessing.

I try to put my heart in everything I do but I wound myself. I get my shame thing going when I blow up bottled up feelings and then I have a mess to clean up. I don’t want to clean it up this time. I just want to move on and find another way to make a few dollars. I want to be invisible and for people to leave me alone. I like people and their stories and their friendship and I like to work and feel accomplishment of what I have done. Maybe at Lowes I felt I could never do enough to please managers. I couldn’t sell enough nor buck up to make them think I was or to justify my existance. Kay is not a quitter and always perseveres even when I suggest she quit. I am challenged to do that but I don’t think I have the stuff to do it. Am I looking for some to approve me and push me along? I am only 54 yrs old and know all about life right? BS!

I am not suicidal though, so don’t send the cops over to rescue me. I am just mad, disappointed, hurt, lonely, screwed up, embarassed, ashamed and fed up with the less than ideal. I wan’t to matter; to change things for the better. Would I be running away if I became a missionary and left this country?

Can I hear God’voice now? I can’t now, I need time to sort this out, to understand myself, which is always a challenge. I am so complicated and can’t settle for the mediocre life. In a way I am fighting some unknown foe, my idealism and patience to wait for the right timing. But I don’t want to wake up when I am 75 and wunder what happened! This is messed up!

I left Bible College and got a D on my personal Evangilism class because I would not go door to door with a survey to get a grade! It is the only D on my college transcripts. I never finished Bible College.

So these are my rants for today. Want more?

I am Still Here!

Still existing at my current job at Lowes. I am finding it increasingly difficult to keep my mouth shut at the things I disagree with. Such as the calling of all of my customers every four days if I had written them an estimate. Then, I am to call everyday until I actually talk to a human being.

I feel like the bird you see above. How could I allow myself to be drawn into corporate America again. Retail marketing makes no sense to me. You put items in the customers way to influence them to buy. Then when sales are down, they make us, as salesman, feel like it is our fault. The estimates I write is their money just waiting for us to go pick up!

Yes, I am sick of it. But I have to recognize that this is a way God has provided for us. What do I do? I do love and enjoy my customers and enjoy helping them. I am good at building relationships with them. I enjoy my co-workers as well. They are well meaning and caring people working for less money than they are worth. I did ask our HR manager if maybe I could go to a partime job there where I could just help folks outand not be pressured to meet sales goals. She is going to check for me. Right now I basically don’t care about much. I hate living this way. Something has to change.

Last Night With Rita

Yesterday, my sister, Rita came down to spend a day or two with me. With my wife being gone for long in Missouri, this has been wonderful. We went to Chillis for some snacks and margeritas. We had a ton of chips and salsa and something new, lettuce wraps. They were lettuce leaves filled with a Thai type of veggies, chicken and a wonderful peanut sauce! Wow! Zing! Off to work today, early today, with the Word of God on my heart as I continue to listen to a speaker from the New Church Conference.

HHO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Rb_rDkwGnU&mode=related&search=

Big Box Bummer

I am tired of BBS , big box store (or big bull shit). I don’t know how much longer I can last. I am tired though after woking 6 days in a row. But I will get holliday pay for Memorial Day, so I won’t quit ’till at least then! I love helping customers and talking to them but I hate the “push” behind retail marketing. Every item is to encourage the customer to buy, even credit cards. People buy more with CC at 22% APR. I spend alot of time on the phone trying to chase in the estimates we write. A customer called in to say,”Don’t call me anymore, I am sick of it!” My heart is not in this, but I need a paycheck!

Today’s Mumblings

I listened to the New Church podcast which is a bunch of church planters. I guess that means folks who start new churches. It is a fact that new churches are a great way to spread the Gospel of Christ.  There is a new thing going on in America! Church planter networks are springing up all over the place and now we have the internet! I am hearing some great stories about leaders who’s hearts have been broken to share who Jesus is and how He changes lives. I want to tell those stories: that is my dream! I want to share those stories using multi-media. It is that simple!

I heard today to go back to your big dream and to hang on to it. I am hanging, I am hanging.

hi there

Here I am today. I saw on a plumbers truck today, “You dump it, We pump it.” by A-1 Plumbing! I stood and stared at this truck and grinned as I was walkiing to my car after a day at the Big Box Store. Life has it’s bits of humor.(don’t say that too fast)

MS and Smoking!

http://www.msneighborhood.com/content/in_the_news/archive_2233.aspx

http://www.neurology.org/cgi/content/full/61/8/E11

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/503872\

http://ms.about.com/b/a/257673.htm

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2003/10/031028060642.htm

It is clear that there is a connection between smoking and MS. There certainly is a reason to quit based on scientific evidence!

How about MS and alcohol?

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=15124767&dopt=Abstract

Check this site out!

Good Life Gifts and podcast! This is my friend Romondo and friends.